The Worst Wedding Songs of All Time

You’re probably aware by now that this site is focused on small and simple weddings, or: weddings that by nature require fewer “hired hands” to stage. If you’ve decided to have an elopement wedding, then you know that there are many expenses that you can omit from your celebration and still have a very romantic and memorable day. One of these rather frivolous expenses is that creature known as the “wedding DJ”.

One of the most painful things a guest must endure at a run-of-the-mill traditional wedding is the music played during the reception. It’s generally awful, wildly unoriginal, and pretty much the same at every wedding reception that you’ve ever attended. It doesn’t matter what state you live in or what time of year that the wedding takes place. Chances are the DJ will play the same bad music at every single wedding that he or she is booked for. No variation, no originality, no risk, nothing truly romantic or inspiring. To the DJs out there: why is this? C’mon – especially in this day and age of MP3’s and laptop computers that can be stuffed with literally thousands of songs – you can add more musical variety to any wedding. Why do all of you play the same tired set list? Is it that difficult to shake things up and play some music that is just a little different from that played at the last 60 weddings you were booked for?

We at Elopement thought that we would have a little fun, and post our list of the worst wedding songs of all time. You’ve heard all of these at least a million times, and are quite sick of all of them! Here they are in no particular order:

  1. “Electric Slide” by Marcia Griffiths. Yes, it’s a fun song. But there are millions of other fun songs that have never, ever been played at a wedding reception. Play one of those instead.
  2. “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang. Don’t get us wrong – we love Kool and the Gang, but – just not this particular song. It’s been played into the ground! Kool and company have recorded plenty of other great songs. Choose a different one. Please. It’s not that difficult, Mr. DJ.
  3. “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher. No, they don’t got you. Or me. Or anyone else. Stop the insanity and play something else. Also, this particular song must be removed from karaoke machines immediately. It’s for the good of humanity.
  4. “Old Time Rock ‘N Roll” by Bob Segar. This one just sucks on so many levels that it’s probably time to start an international social media campaign to ban it from all future wedding playlists. Stop playing this song. We implore you. In fact, don’t play any more Bob Segar music at all. The people who bought Bob’s music only did so when it was available on vinyl, and every one of them died long ago. Ok, maybe they didn’t literally “die”. Their evolution in musical sophistication died. And that’s just as bad.
  5. “All About That Bass” by Meghan Trainor. A relatively recent entrant to the list. Actually, Miss Trainor is another entertainer that has other, more enjoyable recordings under her belt. How about spinning one of them on your turntable (or hard drive, as it were)? We don’t think glorifying obesity is such a great thing anyway.
  6. “Mustang Sally” originally by Wilson Pickett. This song not only shows up all too often at lame wedding receptions, but is played to death by every single cover band that ever formed. Really, every single cover band: you don’t need to perform “Mustang Sally” any more. Ever. Not ever. For the love of every thing holy in music. Stop playing “Mustang Sally”. Thank you.
  7. “Mony Mony” by Tommy James and the Shondells. We like Billy Idol so we won’t blame him for his better-known remake. Actually, this isn’t necessarily a bad song, but it’s been run into the ground by robot DJs who haven’t had any original thoughts in over thirty years. So, blame the DJs. DJs, if you play this song, you suck. Find another line of work.
  8. “Back in Black” by AC/DC. Seriously? This is the only rock song you have on your computer? What the hell? You have absolutely nothing else that rocks out? Are you that uninspired? Good heavens. You’re pathetic.
  9. “Mambo No. 5” by ?. Ok, yeah…we know we could very easily look up the fiend who recorded this abomination. But we’re not interested in giving the parties behind this aural embarrassment any attention at all. We don’t care if Aunt Bertha requested it. All you, the DJ, has to tell Aunt Bertha is: you don’t have it. Period. She’ll waddle back to her overtaxed reception chair and down another white wine spritzer and forget about it. Then you can play some Deadmau5 or Foo Fighters and force her out of the venue that much more quickly.
  10. “That’s Amore” by Dean Martin. Look, we love the Rat Pack. Yes, they were a legendary group of edgy characters who showed us all what being real men was all about. However – and we’re aware that this song tends to be a fixture at Italian weddings – it’s time to update. There are so many great love songs that have been written since this one was written in the late 1800’s (ok, not really, but it sure seems like it was) that some sort of replacement can’t be that difficult to come up with.

We’re sure you may have other suggestions to add to our list. We’d love to hear them! Visit the Elopement Facebook page and add your candidates to our “Worst Wedding Songs of All Time” selections. And if you’re a wedding DJ, we’re aware that you probably aren’t going to be booked for elopement weddings. So, we’re ok that you’re mad at us. But we do care about our fellow humans. Update your playlist. It’s for everyone’s own good.